2 Big Obstacles to Breaking the Cycle and CPTSD Recovery
January 21, 2025
Healing from CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is not for the faint of heart. It requires bravery, a willingness to face the past, and the understanding that recovery is a lifelong process. For many, the journey to healing begins with breaking cycles that have been passed down through generations. Yet, even as we attempt to break these cycles, we often encounter two major obstacles that can keep us stuck: Rejection and Resistance.
In this post, I’ll explore how generational burdens, emotional wounds, and family dynamics shape our recovery process and the common hurdles that stand in the way. By recognizing and addressing these obstacles, we can begin to heal and reclaim the power that has long been out of our reach.
Generational Burdens and Healing from CPTSD
When we think about the long-term effects of trauma, it’s important to recognize that generational wounds are often at the root. As a therapist and coach working primarily with GenX and Millennials, I’ve seen firsthand how trauma gets passed down, often unknowingly.
My generation, GenX, was raised by Baby Boomers who grew up in a more repressive environment. For many of us, the message was clear: “Children should be seen, not heard.” This approach left many GenXers feeling emotionally malnourished and unseen. It’s no wonder that many of us, in turn, made a conscious effort to raise our own children differently, often prioritizing emotional connection over the rigid structures of past generations.
Yet, despite these well-intentioned efforts, many of my clients (especially those who are survivors of abuse and neglect) come to me with invisible wounds feeling lost and confused about their emotions. Despite being well-provided for, they feel overwhelmed by the difficulty of navigating inner emotions and relationships.
Even as younger generations enjoy less stigma and greater access to mental health care and information, many still struggle with the inherited effects of trauma. Understanding these generational dynamics & each generations unique challenges and contributions is crucial for healing — not just for us, but for future generations as well.
The Struggles of “Sandwiched” Caregivers and Cycle Breaking
Many GenX parents find themselves in the difficult position of being sandwiched caregivers, balancing the demands of caring for aging parents while trying to raise their own children. It’s a challenge that requires emotional resilience, but unfortunately, many of us were never given the tools we need to navigate this complex dynamic.
For those of us with CPTSD, this can feel especially burdensome. Add to that the often fragmented care available for CPTSD survivors — both in mental health and medical systems — and it’s easy to see how burnout can happen. I’ve had many clients come to me after years of struggling to manage their mental health, feeling exhausted and helpless in the face of their own recovery.
It’s not uncommon for cycle breakers to feel disillusioned when they don’t see the change they expect — in themselves, their children, or their parents. This sense of hopelessness often triggers a pause or even a complete halt in their recovery. But it’s important to remember that this is just one part of the bigger picture.
Moving Beyond the Big Energy: Overcoming Rejection and Resistance
As you embark on your CPTSD recovery journey, you will inevitably encounter big energy — the emotional weight you carry from the past. This energy often manifests as intense emotional reactions, patterns of self-sabotage, or behaviors that feel out of your control.
To begin healing, you must first acknowledge this energy. Finding your voice, telling your story, and seeking the support you didn’t receive before is crucial in moving forward. But once you begin this process, you’ll soon encounter the two most common obstacles to recovery: Rejection and Resistance.
1. Rejection: Judging, Shaming, and Blaming
Rejection comes in many forms, but it often shows up as the tendency to judge, shame, and blame — either ourselves or others. In my own journey with CPTSD, I rejected certain behaviors I witnessed in my parents and made a vow never to repeat them. That vow stayed with me for decades, leading to years of overcompensating by trying to be “better than” or “perfect.”
The problem with rejection is that it doesn’t allow us to accept the truth of our experiences or to see things clearly. Instead, it reinforces a cycle of shame, self-criticism, and emotional avoidance. In many cases, this rejection of the past only leads to its repetition — a painful paradox that traps us in the very cycle we are trying to break.
2. Resistance: Denial and Distancing
Resistance goes hand-in-hand with rejection. It’s the act of denying reality, distancing ourselves from the truth, or trying to be “better than” the people who hurt us. While it may feel like a way to protect ourselves, resistance only prevents us from truly healing.
The key here is that what we resist, persists. What we resist in others is often a reflection of what we haven’t reconciled within ourselves. By holding onto resistance, we delay the possibility of true healing and perpetuate the cycle of pain.
What you resist in others is in you.
The Paradox of CPTSD Recovery
Recovery from CPTSD is full of paradoxes. As you move from confusion to clarity, from powerlessness to personal power, from shame to dignity, you’ll begin to see the larger story of trauma that has been passed down through generations.
When we reject or resist, we distance ourselves from the truth. But by embracing the truth, by surrendering to it with an open heart, we can begin to release the emotional weight we’ve carried for so long. This process allows us to move forward, free from the constraints of shame and self-judgment.
Opening Your Heart to the Truth of Your Recovery
Healing isn’t easy, and it’s not quick. But the path to recovery is about opening your heart to the truth of your story — both the parts that hurt and the parts that are ready to heal. You have inherited wounds from your family, your culture, and your lineage, but you also have the power to break the cycle.
It’s not easy to see the truth when it’s painful, but it is the key to your liberation. When you stop rejecting and resisting, you can begin to see the bigger picture — a story that is much larger than your individual pain. This is the work of a cycle breaker: to heal, to grow, and to transform not only your life but the lives of future generations.
An Invitation to Heal and Reclaim Your Power
If you’ve read this far, it’s clear that you’re ready to break free from the chains of rejection and resistance. You’re ready to heal. I invite you to take the next step in your recovery journey — to open yourself up to the truth and to start moving beyond the obstacles that have held you back for so long.
Are you ready to release the burden of shame and self-judgment? Are you ready to see your story for what it truly is, and to reclaim your power? Let’s work together to create a recovery plan that fits you — one that honors your truth, your story, and your unique path to healing.
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to reach out and schedule a call with me. Let’s explore how I can support you in your recovery journey, and together, we’ll break the cycle of trauma.
January 21, 2025
Grief is a universal experience, but in the U.S., it often feels misunderstood—even when it comes to “normal” losses. Add the complexities of CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) to the mix, and grief can take on an entirely new dimension. When losses are tied to a person, place, or thing steeped in trauma, the grief process becomes anything but straightforward.
Why Grief Can Be Complicated
If you’ve lived in survival mode for much of your life, there’s a good chance you’ve lacked the capacity to process grief fully. Survival often demands putting one foot in front of the other, navigating crisis after crisis without the time, space, or support to acknowledge what’s been lost. Closure becomes a luxury rather than a given, leaving you with open loops that can feel impossible to close.
Grief in the context of CPTSD often stalls or delays until you have the safety and resources to address it. Once you do, you may find layers of hurt and unresolved wounds tied to the loss, especially if it’s final. Feelings of deep grief, anguish, longing, and abandonment hurt are common. Anger, bitterness, and resentment often interweave with the grief, creating a tangled emotional knot that needs to be unraveled before you can touch the tender truths beneath.
“Normal” Grief is a Relief in CPTSD
In my personal journey, my relationship with my dad exemplifies the shift from complicated to “normal” grief. For much of his life and after his passing, my grief was tangled with bitterness, resentment, and hurt. I’m grateful that I’ve since been able to move through those layers and find connection and peace.
Pure grief feels different. It’s love, connection, and acceptance—a tender acknowledgment of what was and wasn’t. Unlike the heavy, complicated grief, pure grief brings a sense of relief and peace. It’s a truth you can carry without feeling crushed.
The Role of Hurt, Harm, and Dark Energy
Many survivors of CPTSD have endured relationships characterized by “dark energy.” This term encompasses the behaviors and beliefs shaped by abuse, neglect, and generational trauma. These patterns, often dehumanizing and disempowering, lead to cycles of hurt and harm.
For years, I carried disgust, judgment, and shame toward my dad, who had that dark energy. These feelings served as protective mechanisms, helping me create the distance I needed from what I did NOT want to become. Paradoxically, CPTSD recovery often requires facing what you’ve resisted. When I began to see past my dad’s wounds to the larger story of hurt and harm in our lineage, I found a path toward healing.
Breaking Cycles and Reclaiming Power
A key milestone in CPTSD recovery is recognizing how generational trauma shapes us. Both of my parents carried legacies of disempowerment, passed down through their actions and choices. One parent overpowered; the other underpowered. Both dynamics left their mark on me.
A key piece of my own recovery was learning about the “flip flop” that happens in power struggles. Some victims try to flip the script to get power. Other victims collapse into helplessness and powerlessness. Both reactions are disempowering.
It also meant seeing my parents’ wounds not as defining truths, but as inherited burdens I could choose to heal. As a cycle breaker, I’ve come to see my family’s struggles as both a challenge and an opportunity to restore love, connection, and empowerment in my own lineage healing.
Softening the Separation
Healing trauma is about seeing both sides of the same coin: the burdens and the gifts. While we don’t choose the inheritance of hurt, we can reclaim the gifts buried beneath it. This duality—the bad news and the good news—has become a cornerstone of my recovery journey.
By softening the separation between myself and my dad, I’ve been able to reconnect with the gifts his lineage carries. Humor, strength, charisma, and a love of movement and nature are just a few. These qualities are part of my inheritance, alongside the burdens. Releasing the struggle and aligning my strengths with purpose and intention has allowed me to honor both the pain and the beauty of my lineage.
Reflection and Invitation
CPTSD recovery is a journey of generational healing. It involves releasing burdens, reconnecting to gifts, and reclaiming your seat of power. Processing complicated grief is a portal to this work. The reward? Peace, connection, and “pure” grief.
I invite you to reflect on your own lineage:
- What have you inherited—both burdens and gifts?
- How do these stories live within you?
- What needs to be released and recovered?
- What might you be resisting that could be a portal to healing?
You don’t have to carry your grief and burdens alone. It would be an honor to guide you. Together, we can alchemize what feels heavy into something true and freeing. Your grief holds the key to profound liberation. Let’s walk this path, one step at a time. Schedule your RESET session here.
Related Posts: Lineage Healing, IFS Parts Healing