Are you led by love or fear?
We AVOID what we FEAR, but for mental health & wellbeing you need integration, connection & coherence…. which is hard to get while you avoid.
Avoidance is how Americans are socialized. In fact, our culture is emotionally phobic which is an allergic reaction to feelings. So, if you “avoid” know it’s not your fault; it’s your socialization! However, consider that you NOW have the opportunity to learn & do better.
2 friends come to mind when I think about this topic. Both are good people who try to do the right thing with others but recently felt stuck. When I asked them to check in with their feelings (inside) they both struggled.
Sometimes before we can change/influence what is happening OUTSIDE of us we need to first CONNECT INSIDE of us.
Yet, this is not how we are taught! The most common phrases I hear from people are: “HOW DO I FIX IT” & I DON’T KNOW. I wonder how often you experience that? !?
HOW DO I FIX IT it is a “head” response & is a common reaction for people who are under-connected to their heart or maybe heart connected, but driven by fear of losing control. Coming at our internal world or external situations/relationships carries an agenda & often backfires.
I DON’T KNOW is often a stuck/frozen fear state. I DON’T KNOW is a block to forward movement that people want to exit quickly because it doesn’t feel great; they feel helpless & powerless. In this “gear” you can’t connect with problem solving or feel confident that you have the support & resources to make a change.
Either way, if “fixing it” fails or you can’t exit the freeze response of “I don’t know” avoidance is likely. The problem gets ignored/avoided/stuffed.
Once stuffed, those feelings don’t go away, they wait for an opportunity to overwhelm. This is what creates mental & physical health issues & relationship ruptures. Whatever energy you deny/avoid/stuff has to come out somehow.
Analogy: Remember what it was when you were a kid holding a ball underwater….at some point the ball popped up because you couldn’t keep the ball held down any longer or you lost your balance. This is what happens when we deny/avoid/stuff.
Let’s talk about the how/why/what of avoidance and then the benefits of doing the opposite with ACE….:
HOW do we avoid?
WHY do we avoid?
WHAT happens when we avoid?
HELLO LOVE & COMPASSION
ACE as an antidote
The paradox of allowing & NOT avoiding is hard to get but once you get it; the game is changed.
Instead of being dragged about by fear & avoidance you develop the ability to love wholeheartedly.
Body Scan Exercise
Read this through once & then practice or if you prefer to listen, you can on Season 1, Episode 3 of the Reset with Renee podcast (https://open.spotify.com/show/5dVrMeknHQyk8MTE33c56M).
If you are open this is an opportunity to listen inside.
If the environment you grew up in attacked your spirit, the first arrow to your heart was the message that that you weren’t OK, as is. The second arrow happened then (happens now) when YOU turn away from or against yourself or those who you care about. The good news is: We can all do better when we know better.
To live, love & lead in a wholehearted way asks you to decrease the tendency to avoid your inner landscape, & instead, allow your full humanness. What happens within, happens out.
Let’s create environments where Emotional Intelligence is not only allowed but encouraged.
RESET daily by asking yourself: How can I human with love today?
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