Reconnecting with Yourself: The Role of Inner Attachment Recovery in Healing

Trauma = Disconnection
Recovery = Reconnection

Understanding the connection between trauma and attachment is vital for anyone on a healing journey. This post explores how trauma leads to disconnection and how we can work towards reconnection through self-leadership and supportive relationships.

What is Attachment & Why is it Important?

When raised in a healthy and resourced family, a child is likely to develop a secure attachment style, characterized by TRUST in themselves, others, and the world.

But when care is inconsistent, unresponsive, or unavailable, the child will likely develop a lack of trust in themselves, others, & the world, resulting in anxious or avoidant attachment styles, or a mixture of both. Traumatic events later in life can further disrupt this sense of connection and trust.

The good news is this: Attachment Repair is Possible.

Attachment repair can be aided by just one reparative relationship with a “safe” person who offers co-regulation, witnessing, and bridging. Sadly, this isn’t available to everyone, given the context of their family or ecosystem. Many trauma survivors are then challenged to do this repair work themselves, often feeling it’s an unfair burden. However, the silver lining is that you know you & your experiences best. You possess everything you need inside; it’s simply a matter of reconnecting with what has been forgotten.

Repair Is A Process

Inner attachment repair is a multi-faceted process that brings about dynamic outcomes. Recovery becomes evident when you:

• Cultivate a Sense of Self Leadership: Instead of being ruled by the “hurt” parts that carry burdens and run on disempowering & distorted survival patterns.
• (Re)Establish Inner TRUST: Foster trust by consistently showing up for your inner experiences that need your attention.

For CPTSD survivors, your inner world can be loud, complex, and confusing. Self-doubt, procrastination, decision-making challenges, and the ongoing push/pull dynamic can be energetically draining. You’ve been conditioned to turn away from this inner chaos, so facing it all—the thoughts, feelings, and impulses—can be overwhelming at first.

• Hold a Container for Your Energy: Develop practices to process what’s happening inside you.
• Familiarize Yourself with Your Parts: Learn about different aspects of yourself that have been operating independently. Discovering how they protect you from feeling hurt, activated, or triggered, while also attempting to soothe you in ways that may create a state change.
• Heal the HURT Parts: Your HURT parts have endured unmet needs and wounds from relational injury and betrayal for years—sometimes decades. These parts of you have been exiled, rejected, humiliated, or stuffed away. Getting to know these parts intimately is crucial for moving from survival to coping, and ultimately to thriving. You know best what these parts have experienced, and an informed and loving guide can witness and bridge the healing power of Self Energy when connection challenges arise.

Be The One You Have Been Waiting For

Establish Trust with Your Parts: Doing so will allow you to lead with ease, rather than feeling overwhelmed by conflicting messages, beliefs, and stories. Your compassionate and curious presence brings clarity and calm to your inner world, possibly for the first time.

The Result of the Process

After reconnecting, repair is the next step in your recovery process. You will want to deepen your parts work to unburden any beliefs, strategies, or feelings that were protective or a result of injury. This is what IFS “parts work” involves. Click here for deeper insight into IFS Parts Work.

As you unburden parts, your energy and inner spaciousness increase, bringing a much-welcomed reduction in symptoms after carrying so much weight. Continued growth and healing present an opportunity to move forward in a way that halts the transmission of trauma and fosters loving skillfulness in relationships needing repair.

Is There a Greater Legacy?

The Energetics & Intentions Matter

The energy and intentions of how you show up (internally and externally) is just as significant as the actions themselves. Your mindset, emotions, and overall presence affects the outcomes and relationships in your life. You aren’t showing up to:

• “Fix”
• “Get rid of”
• “Give to get”

These approaches are transactional and don’t reflect self-leadership that is attuned, available, and responsive. Instead, strive for an open-hearted frequency to rebuild trust and acceptance, rather than one with an agenda.

The 8 “C’s of Self Leadership”

Connecting with an open heart is your inherent Self or Essence leading, as opposed to being led by parts of your inner world which hold limited perspectives. Self Leadership creates an inner world in right relationship, where the inner system is balanced, harmonious, free, peaceful, courageous, and rooted in present truth. When we are in right relationships, shifts like these can occur:

• Compassion, grace, and genuine curiosity soothe the parts of you that hold onto shame.
• Consistency becomes medicine for parts that have been ABANDONED.
• Conviction: Essential for parts that are exhausted and struggle with hope, faith, and trust in a greater unfolding plan.
• Conviction ignites resilience in the parts of you that feel exhausted & struggle to hope & trust in the greater plan unfolding.

You Are Not Alone

A paradox of healing work is that:

• You have everything you need inside to heal…
• Yet, we heal best in relationships and supportive communities.

Having a survivor and guide to bridge Self Energy can aid in navigating the nonlinear predictable and unpredictable challenges & wobbles in your recovery journey:

Protective Parts often act as gatekeepers to the Hurt Parts and can take time to connect with. These Hurt Parts may be deeply buried or hidden, surfacing slowly over time or suddenly during the healing process.

Healing is inherently expansive and contractive; it’s common to face difficulties just before or after a breakthrough. As you deepen your connection with your internal parts, you’ll also begin to assess your external, real-world relationships, identifying who is supportive, who isn’t, and who may need your bridging.

Balancing this inner and outer work is achievable, but it can also feel overwhelming. That’s why I’m here to help if you feel this is too much to conquer on your own.

In Summary

• Inner attachment repair is vital for establishing inner and outer trust and connection. Developing daily practices to connect within is essential, as many have been socialized to ignore their inner world.
• Restoring Self Leadership allows for recovery, healing, and personal growth.
• Living in an expanded state versus contraction and confusion enhances your quality of life and positively impacts your relationships and those around you in profound and sacred ways.

The Invitation

Having a safe space to share, explore, experiment, learn, & unlearn can take your recovery to the next level. If you’re ready to take the next step towards healing, I invite you to join our community. Together, we can explore, learn, and grow via the Reset Collective.

Reset Collective Interest List

For individual, family, or leadership coaching, contact me: renee@resetwithrenee.com.

You are worth the effort and investment.

Resources

The 8 C’s of Self Leadership