Relationship Renegotiation: Reclaiming Personal Power and Healing Attachment Wounds

As a CPTSD survivor, you’ve likely experienced deep attachment wounds, relational betrayals, and inherited hurt from your family of origin. These wounds are often compounded by adult relational injuries—whether from divorce, trauma bonds, being ghosted by loved ones, or even in your work & community. Recovery invites you to confront these wounds, re-establish your personal power, and renegotiate relationship imbalances with the people you value most.

The Impact of Your Ecosystem

Your relationships with parents, partners, children, and those in close proximity to you matter. The people you interact with at work, in school, and in your community also play a role in influencing your world. In recovery, it’s crucial to understand these interactional effects:

• What happens inside of you
• What happens inside of others
• What happens between you and others

One key goal of recovery work is to re-establish healthy, balanced relationships based on “pure power.” Before recovery, your decisions and relational dynamics may have contributed to unspoken expectations and implicit contracts that left you feeling drained or “off” in your interactions. Until these issues are addressed and resolved, completed or repaired, they can be huge energy leaks.

Reflection Questions to Start:

As you embark on your recovery journey, consider these questions:

• Do you know your own needs, preferences, and standards?
• Are you able to communicate them clearly, especially in areas of misalignment?
• Do you know what you’re available for—and what you’re not?
• Do you feel empowered in relationships, or are you disempowered?
• Do you feel the need to assert power over others?
• How do you respond when others project their fear and shame onto you?
• Are your personal relationships balanced in reciprocity—both giving and receiving?
• Do you feel confident and secure, or do you experience anxiety about your most important relationships?
• Are your boundaries clearly defined, or do you struggle to embody your own standards?

Clarifying Your Expectations in Recovery

As you do the inner work of recovery, you’ll also be invited to do outer work in your relationships. Some people in your ecosystem will support and enthusiastically embrace your changes, while others may be indifferent—or even resistant.

It’s important to avoid pushing for outcomes or campaigning for immediate change. Instead, focus on laying the groundwork for meaningful shifts, allowing time and space for the process to unfold. Sometimes, you’ll need to “give better back” and be the bridge to guide others along the way. Some will follow your lead, others won’t.

Practical Steps for Renegotiating Relationships

Knowing the steps to renegotiate relationship dynamics can be helpful as you lead yourself & your ecosystem forward:   

1.      Acknowledge the good that you see in the present.

2.      Clearly name the vision you have for both yourself & the relationship.

3.      If appropriate, identify and address any patterns you are trying to break or correct.

4.      Make a commitment, suggestion, and/or ask questions.

5.      Check for truth resonance: “What’s true in my body in this present moment?”

These steps have helped me immensely when I’ve felt pressure to “be” a certain way. It has lessened anxiety & helped me focus on communicate that is simple, kind, truthful, and direct.

Seeking Support

Being The ONE to break a cycle can feel lonely, especially when those around you aren’t moving forward with you. “Holding the vision”, “playing the long game”, and “planting seeds” are phrases that can support you when you feel impatient or discouraged. Having a trusted guide to support and encourage your momentum and help you avoid backsliding into coping behaviors that sabotage your vision.

Ready to Renegotiate Your Relationships?

Are you ready to assess your relationships, clarify your vision, address interactional effects, and leave a legacy of love, compassion, courage, and harmony? I would be honored to guide you & your loved ones through the journey of generational healing. Reach out to schedule a consultation and to Reset With Renee.