Common Mistakes My Clients Make

December 13, 2023

(With or Without CPTSD)

  1. Making decisions or interacting with others from a place of HURT.
  2. Making decisions or interacting with others from a place of PROTECTIVE PARTS.

Do You Do This?

This is SO common.  And it’s amplified in my clients who have a history of childhood or adult relational trauma.  Often #cptsd clients have been projected upon, gaslit, lied to, betrayed, shocked, abandoned AND then later judged for not having close connections with the people who dump on them. 

It’s a LOT to HOLD.

Why This Doesn’t Work

HURT energy = DISEMPOWERED energy.

If the person you are in a relationship with is NOT conscious or into personal growth, they’ll likely NOT receive your message of “I HURT” with acceptance or a desire to repair. 

They may use “power over” strategies to maintain control & protect their own hurt or vulnerable parts. This looks & feels like being PROJECTED upon – which adds another layer of HURT to what already exists.

This is a HUGE block to relationship success or healing because all that exists then is a POWER STRUGGLE. Without REPAIR following a RUPTURE of mis-attunement (or worse) there is not a RECPRICOL RELATIONSHIP based on pure personal power.   

Stop the Fawn/Collapse or Flip

Many people on a healing journey have “go to” nervous system responses when stressed.  Shutting down via silence, people pleasing, or avoiding conflict is super common – & it may be crucial to safety.

However, some tire of feeling disempowered, of feeling like the “loser” in a “win-lose” dynamic & might FLIP to “power over.”

Someone Has to Make the First Move

A natural reaction to disempowered energy is to lead with PROTECTIVE PART energy (I must, I can’t, I won’t, I will destroy).  Your protective parts will trigger another person’s protective parts … & then you both are OFF to the races of a continued power struggle (DEFEND – ATTACK – DEFEND & REPEAT).

The Solution

  1. Exit the power struggle. Don’t stay in the place of “power over” aka “persecutor” & don’t stay in the place of disempowered aka “victim”.
  2. Connect INSIDE to your own hurt & protective parts first.  This is attuning & attachment repair work that will help you embody personal power in a pure & clean way.
  3. Set an intention, align your actions, & embody your boundaries.  Remember other people’s behaviors are about them.  YOU can retain your personal power & avoid feeding the drama cycle or power struggle. 
  4. For difficult/challenging people consider deepening your understanding of energetic stewardship (see below for link to a 2024 class).

Dig Deep

I work with people who, like me, don’t want to cause hurt or harm & yet are ready to NOT be on the receiving end of hurt & harm. 

Often the HURT is covered by anger, resentment, & bitterness. 

Parts of them are in “NEVER AGAIN” mode & OVER IT.

It can be a PROCESS to meet & feel the HURT.  The wound is detected on the surface, but the pain goes DEEP. 

For #cptsdsurvivors the superhuman journey of healing begins here – DOING THE ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG to connect with the HURT alongside updating & relieving protective parts whose duty to ward off more HURT is also unburdened.  To #connectinside is a major undertaking of courage, compassion, & conviction.

Good Enough = Symptom Management

Best = Self Leadership Anchored in One Love & Pure Personal Power

Energetic Stewardship

Class coming in September 2024 within Portals, Pathways, or the Reset Collective!

See Linktree on IG: https://linktr.ee/resetwithrenee.com?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=0ec36c44-3461-47e7-b8ef-4d7b212328d9

For more on power struggles: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

For more on “parts” work: https://ifs-institute.com/

#resetwithrenee #cptsd #cptsdsurvivor #cptsdhealing #cptsdsupport  #cptsdwarrior #cptsdawareness #cptsdrecovery #healingandcptsd #complextrauma #complexptsdrecovery #complextpsdawareness #complexptsd #cyclebreaker #recoveringfamilyhero #scapegoat #traumabonding#emotionallyimmatureparents #adultchildrenofalcoholics #adultchildrenofnarcissists #secondwound #childhoodtrauma #emotionalnegelct #childhoodabuse #childhoodneglect#generationaltrauma #intergenerationaltrauma #generationalhealing #generationalhealth #transformnottransmit #homecoming #youarenotalone #youaretheone#ptsdawareness  #healingfromtrauma #traumarecovery #traumahealing  #ptsd #healingversuscoping #howtohuman #connectinside #discoveryou #wounds #needs #emotionalintelligence #relationashipintelligence #selfleadership #ruptureandrepair

Reply...